Dragonite the Postmon!
by Gaige's Peppy Sweetheart
Summary: Dragonite pledges his allegiance to help the postal service of Pallet Town after a huge population growth and the loss of a worker. He will deliver your post whether it be rain, sun, or snow! ...Okay, not snow since he hates it four times more than regular Pokemon. What adventures and excitement will this Dragonite face?
1. Chapter 1

**GPS: Dragonite *hugs***

**Dragonite: *hugs back* (:**

**GPS: I'm just incredibly bored writing a story before I start school on Monday...**

**Dragonite: That sucks.**

**GPS: I know, right?**

**Dragonite: GPS doesn't own Pokemon. But he owns a piece-of-junk S.U.V. that gets horrible gas mileage.**

**GPS: Thanks for sharing that. That is totally relevant! C: Also, I don't know how a post office works so forgive me if I am wrong.**

* * *

Late August, 1997. It was a boring day in the outskirts of Pallet Town. The scene turned to a secluded post office and the postman of the name Alex turned to his manager and looked at the giant mountain of post that was needing delivery.

"I've been here since '90 when this town had 2,419 people according to the census but now it has gone up to at least 4,500 people! I can't carry all this post!"

"Relax," said the manager. "Despite the fact the population has nearly doubled, it doesn't mean the post has doubled!"

"How do you know?" said Alex as she scratched his blonde hair.

"I've been doing calculations after work and seeing how the amount of post has changed since this new trendy thing called 'e-mail' and it shows that you only have to carry 52% more post than normal! Well, mostly in the form of packages, and those have been very frequent due to this site called Amazon. We've been getting orders like crazy!"

"Sir, that truck I drive is 20 years old; it's in desperate need of auto repairs!" argued Alex with a thinning temper.

"I'm not dishing out money to fix that; _you _can fix that," said his manager.

"I get underpaid and put up with a lot of complaints. I've had it! You'll be getting my resignation soon."

"If you quit, I'll run out of business!" said the manager.

"Find a replacement! Someone who can put up with this crap!" Alex slammed the front door and never was to be seen again. The manager was shocked and sat down behind his desk.

"This is just great. Now what am I going to do? People need their post and the stuff they buy from Amazon, but it looks like I need a replacement, ASAP." He looked out the window facing the ocean and saw that on a bluff sat a Dragonite. It was extremely rare to see one, but an idea hatched in his head. He headed for the door and twisted it slowly and walked slowly towards the orange dragon. Despite the fact that he was about 10 feet away from it, it did not seem to be scared.

"Uh, hi," said the manager as he scratched his head nervously. "How are you doing, little guy?"

"Excuse me?" said a voice. The man's eyes became as wide as saucers. "In case you didn't notice, I'm not _little_; I am almost 8 and a half feet and over 500 pounds (**A.N. this is a specimen larger than others)** and you call me little?"

"You...you can talk!" said the man. "I thought only Meowths or psychics could talk!"

"Get lost, I have no interest with you," said Dragonite in an angry tone and turned his back towards the man.

"I'm Charles," said the manager. "Do you have a name?"

"Just Dragonite," said the orange male dragon as he looked out into the sparkly ocean.

"Why are you in such a mood?" questioned Charles. "I mean, I get that you are an extremely rare Pokemon, but the fact that you haven't left after seeing me should mean something."

"I'm bored with life to answer your first statement," said Dragonite. "I mean, I don't hate it. I'm a rather friendly and happy guy, but my life has been so mundane lately. I feel...I have no challenge, nothing to keep me motivated. What should I do?"

"I have an idea that may make you happy," said Charles. Dragonite turned around while still sitting on his butt and said,

"You caught my interest. Resume, human."

"I work at the post office right behind me and my only postman just quit on me. If I don't get any help soon, I will go broke!"

"So how does this involve me?" said Dragonite who now became slightly confused.

"Well, in order for it to be legit, I would have to get a permit from the Pokemon Labor Services (PLS) to prevent any lawsuits of enslaving Pokemon," said Charles. "How much speed and stamina do you have?"

"Tons; watch this," said Dragonite as he dashed off at the speed of sound and looped around the town in a near blink of the eye. He returned to the position right in front of Charles and said, "Didn't even break a sweat."

"Good, if I get all the paperwork settled, we should start in a few days," he said. "Would you be willing to become this town's postman?"

"Sounds like it may be fun. Okay! I'll give it a go!" He extended his orange paw and Charles shook it.

"Excellent," said Charles. "I look to possibly working with you. Will you remain in this area for a few days?"

"Sure," said Dragonite as his tail wagged. "It has a nice summer breeze."

Four days had passed and all the proper documents and whatnot were filled out. Charles actually had to take Dragonite to the PLS in Viridian City to be authorized and was inserted with a chip that prevented him from being captured. Not that it was completely necessary since Dragonite could easilly beat anyone who attempted to fight him, but...

Charles sighed and wiped his brow and handed Dragonite a map. "Are you capable of reading?"

"Of course, I'm not an ordinary Dragonite," said the male dragon. He opened the map and saw the layout of Pallet Town.

"Good. There are tons of stuff for you to do. You should also be glad that you have this job as the old vehicle my former employee drove emitted a lot of smoke that can lead to global warming. A lot of people are depending that they get their post and I already got a large number of complaints, so you essentially have four days worth to deliver. Are you okay with this?"

"Yes!" cheered Dragonite. Charles handed him a hat, a sash and a very large sack that easily must have had 300 pounds worth of mail and packages. Dragonite put the bag on him like in the first movie and proudly smiled.

"Won't it be confusing to find all the letters and packages if they are loose in this sack?" asked Dragonite.

"Luckily all things that go to one address are tied together, including packages," informed Charles. "Now off you go!"

"Of course," said Dragonite with a big smile.

* * *

**Even though in Gen 1 they didn't issue genders, I don't like calling them "it"; feels like that's the pronoun used to refer to inanimate objects.**


	2. Kookie Krabby

**Dragonite: I'm ready for my job!**

**GPS: I know you are! Have fun! I don't own Pokemon or Amazon, but I have plenty of merchandise from both!**

* * *

Dragonite left the post office and, with his uniform to signify his occupation, left for the first location. He got a piece of bubblegum from the office desk and popped it into his mouth and began chewing on it. He extended his orange paw into the gigantic sack and read the label on a stack of letters tied down to a box from Amazon. It said Samuel Oak on 283 Autumn Drive.

"Hmm, I wonder what this person bought?" questioned Dragonite. He gently shook the Amazon box and heard a small rustle which indicated that whatever was inside clearly wasn't heavy. He took out the map he was given earlier and looked for Autumn Drive. "Okay! Here we go!" He flapped his tiny wings on his back and was off to the destination. He knocked on the door and a voice on the other side answered.

"May I help...you..." said Professor Oak whose jaw nearly fell to the floor. "A Dragonite?! Is this a dream?" He noticed that the male dragon was carrying his post. "And he's got my post..."

"I can hear you clearly," said Dragonite.

"You speak English?" replied the professor rhetorically. "I must research you and put you under a slew of tests!"

Dragonite reached into his sash and pulled out a badge. "Sorry, but I am an employee of this town's postal service and authorized by the Pokemon Labor Services. I'm afraid that you can't do that, sir."

"At least give me something for DNA analysis!" he said. "I have never found a Dragonite and I would at least like to do said analysis."

Dragonite pulled out a small piece of paper from a notepad he had in his sash and spit the gum onto it and handed it to Professor Oak. "Go crazy," he said. "And here are you packages. May I have a verification of your I.D., please?"

"Sure," said the professor as he took out his driver's license. He signed a paper and Dragonite handed over the things and tipped his hat.

"Have a lovely day, sir!" he said with a cheerful smile and wag of his tail. He grabbed a different package and set of letters and flew off. Professor Oak closed the door behind him.

"Excellent!" he said. "I got this from Amazon for super cheap!"

One of his assistants appeared and said, "What did you get?"

"These!" said Professor Oak as he showed him the unwrapped package.

"...A box of cookies?" said the assistant. "Why?"

"Because, the local grocery store sells them at ¥800 but I got this for just ¥570 off of Amazon! Plus, it's also part of my research."

"What would you possibly need cookies for your research?"

"Something has been going through my mind; almost all Pokemon can say their name, but Ash Ketchum and my grandson had just caught a Krabby and instead of saying its name, it says 'cookie, cookie'. Plus I love these type of cookies!"

"Oh, boy," said the assistant as he scratched the back of his head and left. Professor Oak went over to a giant fish tank and saw Ash's Krabby dwarfed by the one Gary had caught.

"Cookie, cookie!" they both said in their little voice.

"I know. I got some here for a cheap price," chuckled the professor. He opened the package and tossed several in there. The Krabbies examined the cookies and sniffed them.

"Cookie, cookie!" they said. The two crustaceans grabbed the cookies with their pincers and nibbled on them. "Cookie, cookie!" ^3^ They greedily consumed the sugary goodness and kept chanting, "Cookie, cookie!" as they danced around and waved their pincers with joy.

"Wow, sounds like Krabbies really do want cookies," said Professor Oak.


	3. Nice Day to Deliver and Cause Confusion

**GPS: If you read this and it happens to be your name or address, it is _entirely _coincidental!**

**Dragonite: Yeah! What he said! GPS doesn't own Pokemon!**

* * *

Dragonite felt pretty good about himself now that he delivered to his first house, but he knew that there was still far much to do. He grabbed a package at random and read the name of the person.

"Hmm, Chance Johnson on 2183 Forest Trail," said Dragonite after he pulled out a huge cardboard box and letters bundled together with some string. He brought the package to his ear and shook it and the contents rattled rather loudly. "I wonder what the heck is inside of it? Oh well, I'd better not shake it further or the contents might break." With the package and letters tucked under his left arm, Dragonite began to fly with the gentle breeze to the address. Despite the fact that the house was only about 1,500 square feet, it was on the edge of a private pond and had a very large backyard. Maybe it was for extensive training? Nonetheless, the orange dragon knocked on the door and a man approached the door.

"Uh..." hesitated the man as he looked up at the dragon who towered over him.

"I'm the postman!" said Dragonite with a warm smile. "Here you go, buddy!" He handed the items to the dumbfounded human and the human said,

"Thanks a lot! I can't wait to read this book I got! I hear it's getting really popular already!"

"Not to pry in your business, but what is the title of said book?" asked Dragonite as he wagged his scaly orange tail.

"It's no biggie," said Chance. "It's _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. I got mine all the way from England. Had to wait over a month, but I feel it will be worth it."

"Sounds interesting," replied Dragonite. "I never really have taken an interesting in reading, though."

"You can both talk and _read_?" said Chance with a tone of doubt. "That's incredible! How on earth can a Pokemon do such a thing?"

"I am incredibly special, I guess," said Dragonite. "My species is known to be intelligent; plus I am a bit of a nonconformist."

"In what way?" said Chance as he looked through the stack of bills.

"I like to eat plants and berries, not Magikarp, Goldeen, Ekans, Pidgey, etc.," said the friendly dragon. "Plus, I like to roll around on my back when I'm happy versus belly bumping!"

"Interesting, I must say," said the man. "Well, I thank you again for bringing me my mail!"

"No problem!" said Dragonite as he began to flap his tiny orange wings and head for the sky.

"Wait!" said Chance.

Dragonite halted in place and turned around with an arching eyebrow. "Yes?"

"This is gonna sound really strange, but..."

"I've heard plenty of strange stuff, dude, so lay it on me," said Dragonite as he continued to watch with interest.

"Can I...give you a hug?" asked Chance. "I mean, I don't know when I will ever see a Dragonite your size-or any size-again. Please?"

"Uhh..." hesitated the orange dragon. "Okay. But tell no one, okay? I'm sensitive about hugging others cause my old group used to tease me!"

"Aww, that sounds really sweet!" said the human as he hugged Dragonite. Dragonite wagged his tail and said,

"If you will excuse me, I must continue with my job," said the friendly Dragonite. He flapped his wings and left the site and took out a different package. Surprisingly, it was cold. "What could be inside?" he asked. "Oh well-438 Arbor Cove is the owner of this box and letters and I don't want to disappoint!"

He flew over to the location and landed and rang the doorbell.

"Hi," said Dragonite.

"Hi! Aren't you adorable!" said a teenage girl as she giggled. "You look so cute with that hat and sash on!"

Dragonite blushed and thanked her. "Here is your package and letters. I find it weird you can get frozen stuff shipped to you!"

"...Frozen stuff?" said the girl. "I didn't buy anything that was frozen."

"Your name is Claire Reed, right?" said Dragonite as he read the address on the package.

"That's my mom's name," said the girl. "Hey, mom?"

"Yeah?" said an older female voice in the distance.

"Come here a minute, please," requested the girl.

The mom arrived to the door and looked up at the towering dragon type who happened to have a smile on his face. "What's the problem?"

"Your daughter...I presume...says she doesn't recall anything frozen being purchased from this household," stated Dragonite.

"That's right; my daughter, my husband, and most definitely not I have bought anything frozen," stated Claire Reed. "The only other in this household is Al-" She stopped when she saw the package being engulfed in white light. It flew straight out of Dragonite's paws and he gasped.

"Alakazam," said the Pokemon of said name. He opened up the cold box and found what he wanted: ice cream. It was mint chocolate and he dunked his spoon into it and began consuming the frozen treat.

"Alakazam?" said the woman. "It was you who bought this?"

"Ala," he said with a nod and continued eating.

"He is a smart Pokemon, mom," said the daughter.

The mother took the receipt out of the box and looked at it. "Yeah, but he owes me ¥599 for the ice cream and ¥399 for the shipping!"

The Alakazam shook his head and his whiskers began to dance from the movement he created. The mom and daughter began to argue with the psychic type and that was Dragonite's cue to leave.


	4. Popsicle, Onions, Listerine?

**Long time from update! Expect more weirdness! Like Dragonite's past! I am a totally random person and did it just for that purpose. XD**

**Dragonite: Whoo!**

Dragonite was walking down the street with a little pep in his step as he was thinking of the 1984 song "Self Control". He found it invigoratingly hypnotic and danced as he whistled. He thought of that Alakazam and the ice cream he had. It made the young dragon really hungry and he walked back to the post office.

"Have you any success, my new employee?" said Charles with a grin on his face.

"Yeah, I already delivered to three people already," said Dragonite as he took off his hat and fanned himself with it. It was unbearably hot in the post office despite the fact that it had an operating AC unit and a ceiling fan.

"That's good, although you still have plenty of more places to go," replied Charles as he walked to the phone. "Hello? Oh, hey, Laura." He covered the phone and said to Dragonite, "It's my wife." He took his hand off and resumed talking. Yeah, cucumber salads and macaroni and cheese sound good for lunch. You want me to ask him what? Hey, lady asks if you want something to eat."

"Yes. I'd like a raw onion and a cherry popsicle," said Dragonite politely. Charles gave him one of the weirdest looks ever, but he nonetheless told his wife to get those items.

Dragonite moved his tail out of the way and sat on the couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on the television. When he turned it on, it was a Miller Lite commercial. He instantly switched the television back off since he hated beer. It was all thanks to his previous trainer that he hated beer.

His trainer was a weird guy who lived in a tree house outside his parents' house that, to the trained eye, looked like it was in suburban Seattle, Washington. Or Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Anyways, he would go up to the tree house and play the sitar while listening to Russian folk music. After coming home from a party with his teenage friends, the negligent trainer would play his sitar and swear that it was a balalaika that somehow sounded like a didgeridoo (balalaika=a Russian guitar-like instrument with a triangular base; Didgeridoo, a long Australian pipe-like wind instrument). Anyways, to get back on the point, his trainer in his state after a party of…substance abuse…grabbed the water bowl of Dragonite (who was a Dratini then) and poured a can of Miller Lite in it. Since he was a Dratini, he was careless and oblivious to the fact it was an alcoholic beverage and drank it up. He got drunk after he finished the beer in the bowl and when his trainer's parents found out….They released Dragonite. Dragonite was so happy to be away from that guy. The trainer's parents viewed their son through rose-tinted glasses; they failed to acknowledge his drug problem and swore that he could become a musician like the world-famous '60s rock group The Weedles.

Dragonite returned to reality and he shook his head. A cherry popsicle was hovering in front of his face. It was being held by a cute lady with 7 bracelets on her left arm and bamboo earrings. She was _smoking _hot, Dragonite thought, but had a horrible taste in fashion.

"Here you go, sweetie," said Laura, Charles' wife. She handed Dragonite the onion and the couple had their lunch. Dragonite left the post office and thanked her as he licked and sucked the popsicle on the hot summer day. It was so good and it tasted great with the onion that he had to peel. People down the street watched him; who wouldn't? He was over 8 feet tall, had a mailman's hat, a mail bag, and was eating an onion! He took a random box out and shook it. It sounded like liquid was sloshing around and something else was with it. But he nonetheless arrived to the location: Whitney Brooks at 9382 Apple Orchard Lane. He knocked on the door and a woman appeared.

"Hi," she said politely.

"Hi, I got your mail, see?" said Dragonite as he extended his paws and gave her the box.

"Awesome! My Nintendo 64 arrived and—" she stopped when Dragonite exhaled and his disgusting onion breath reached her nose. She wanted to gag, but she took the other item out of the box; it was a bottle of green Listerine. "You may wanna wash your mouth with this," she added as she poured a small amount in a cup. Dragonite took it and poured it into his mouth without letting it touch his lips. He swished it around his mouth and walked away as he continued to gargle. He spit it all out in the gutter and sighed with content. Now it was time to go to the next place.


End file.
